Spirit and Gender

Thru an Queer Indo-Caribbean Shakta’s lens.

The glass cabinet was lined with faces of blue gods. The deities standing in water, on mountains, in the grass. They were draped in gold with garlands of flowers, holding weapons, or musical instruments and other sacred objects. A simple bowl or posture or hand gesture could signify deep spiritual meaning.

So began my introduction into the occult esoterica and my first images of divine genders. In the human world there were more rigid roles and aesthetics but in the spiritual world they merged and blurred and often danced behind a more luminous meaning. I remember childhood friends innocently asking “ is that a boy or a girl?” “why is he wearing makeup and earrings?” — I had no answers for these questions. I didn’t question what the gods were wearing instead I could share that this God was here to bless families, this one here brings wealth and this one helps you when you are in danger. And if you look closer, this God is the stength that will help you attain enlightenment, and this one here will protect your journey there. This one is dancing because she knows all the truths! She winks at your in your imagination.

***

The closest thing to our Indo-Caribbean Gods outside of my familial/cultural bubble were Greek and Roman mythological deities. Thats because of the limited educational curriculums of America which glorified and centered euro-white-everything. BUT — I was drawn to them immeditately. It was still uncool or bizarre to be brown, to talk with an accent, to be a hindu, to be a tantrika in the making, a child of the Divine Kali who didnt yet understand their divine origins. It was much easier and acceptable, even celebrated to lust away into the realms of safe intrigue at the white Gods and their heroic, romantic and magical tales. That made you sound smart and allowed you to find common things to talk about (at the bars or in classrooms.)

I fell in love with The Met museum in my home city, New York. There I perused displays of spiritual artifacts with hungry eyes — I later grew to despise the foundations of that space and had many mixed feelings about the myrias of spiritual tools stolen from colonized people and now owned displayed like trophies... Art and artifacts owners, white supremacists without the hoods.

But before I saw that layer, I could for the first time (in my teen years) trace spiritual histories back to their origins in Africa and Asia or the ancient indigenous Americas. God was walking with me throughout the many realms of their existences. Suddenly images like Mother Mary unfolded into the Primodial Femme Goddess Isis. Archetypes of energy embodied by people and symbols that were familiar to the channels that saw them through the lens of their culture. Shifting from masks, to veils, to rings and in different skin tones, adornments and textures or styles of hair. Celebrated this way and that through time and space all gathered under one roof — maybe dancing with each other when we were not all gazing. I felt alive with my own humanity staring at pieces that felt like fragments of me strewn about in a big room. I had lots to contemplate everytime. I began to meditate at The Met often to commune with the spirits of the objects.

I grew more and more fasicnated as I traced a finger along the spine of spirituality. Feeling as it riveted through Ethipoan Christianity, the Loas, Orishas, Amman Goddesses, Egyptian dieties, like Sekhmet or Greek ones like Hecate or Pan it sent me running off to the homes of nymphs and faeries in my minds eye. The longer I stared into the abyss the more the images magnified exposing a microcosm of mystical fabric and wonder that held together all of our living molecules. God was a wild forest teeming with gnome-ish bacterias and sweating magical potions all around us. And if all of this could be imagined, if being could don horns and wings and if humans knew of this vastness then why could we not be more than we had imposed on ourselves all these years. Had we lost touch with the truth?

***

I returned home. In all of Her arms, Kali Amman, Maha Kali, Kali Shakti. And there she told me the mysteries would keep unfolding, not just with the world around be but now the world within.

Through a series of tools that began to swirl into my everyday life, astrology, tarot, pranayama, asanas, dance, reiki and so much more I delved into my study of self. Whenever I looked up from my work I noticed the Gods taped to the glass cabinet in my mothers home coming alive with possiblites I saw within. Ardhananesvara both masculine and feminine in one body. Laxmi not as a consort but as an avatar of Vishnu (and more mysteriously She is SHIVA!)

I peered in deeper, there I learned that in South Asia (in places like India and Pakistan) transgender people were revered as spiritual beings — unfortuantely colonization and supression of gender expression stunted the acceptance and awareness of transgender identities from spiritual to political and scientific that would have naturally evolved.

In the buddhist and hindu tantric paths integrations of all selves with the oneness releases us of gender. The genderfluid and genderqueerness we talk about more openly in the west now is an exercise in spiritual evolution divined in ancient times. Transness and Queerness was not only accepted but also not limited to a certain group or rare experience. Anyone could become aware of this spectrum of indentities. This was/is the universe reflected through us. Breaking gender barriars and imposed rigidity on our bodies and minds liberates us. It creates the stairway to moksha; enlightenment.

There are many paths to enlightenment and all of them give us true self awareness, an awareness that challenges constructs like the patriarchy, white supremacy, casteism and cisgender-heterosexual normativity.

All that to say, you’re probably gay, queer, non-binary and trans. Have a great day! Get woke.